ASK WREX: The Agony Uncle Panel!

Hi, Uncle Urdnot Wrex here, Krogan Battlemaster, Pastry Chef, and nautical mastermind. In our new whenever we can be fucking bothered feature, I'm going to help our esteemed public and readers out in their daily lives. The problem can be anything, first up!





"I heard that boats are evil creations made by the reapers. Will they indoctrinate me?"
-- Random Bystander #28

Uncle Wrex says: This is quite a troubling question, one that must be tackled in seperate parts. Firstly, I can assure you that boats are NOT evil creations, made by the Reapers. However, Boats will certainly indoctrinate you. Their sexy curves, designed to plane through water like a knife through Salarian skull, the starboard bow, which is boat for right, standing proudly against the waves, through thick and thin. The port side, which reminds you that a boat is a bit like a home, a safe haven for anyone in the treacherous seas.  The front of a boat is the Forward, as if you own a boat, you will drive onwards and achieve your goals of being in a boat.  Such magnificent creations are not evil, but will indoctrinate you and you will become a nautical mastermind much like myself.


"My Turian Husband split up with me, taking my house, children and collection of limited edition "Boats Weekly" magazines, including a copy of "Boats Weekly #1""

-- Sinky vas Titanic

Uncle Wrex says: Oh my, Domestic differences are quite the problem. Had the relationship been on the rocks since you adopted your children? I would not worry too much about the house, such things can be replaced, the real issue is your "Boats Weekly" magazine collection.  First published in 2100, by Captain James Sterling, Boats Weekly is the premier choice of all Boat Fanatics, originally sold for 15 credits a week, it quickly became extremely popular, the original issue had a mere 15 copies printed and they sold out at an alarming rate. As of now, there are only 4 copies known to be in existence, one in my possession, one in the possession of Commander Shepard, the currently unaccounted for one owned by yourself, Sinky, and one owned by Mordin Solus. It is thought that on the market, each of these could fetch as much as 1,500,000 credits and are highly sought. Uncle Wrex strongly advices forwarding the name and address of your Turian husband so he may liberate this copy of the magazine.  And maybe you know give you your children back.


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